This isn’t me…Right?

So I joined the Navy in 2009. I didn’t know what I was really getting myself into. My best friend had joined up a few years before me and had been stationed in Hawaii, he’s a lucky bastard. He’s been there since he joined, never been stationed any where else. I thought well, even if I don’t get stationed in Hawaii, I’ll be out of my home town and working a steady job. I was flat out honest when they asked me in boot why I joined, I joined for the money and the job security. If you had read my previous entry, that outlines how I had screwed myself on trying to get a normal job.

My boot camp experience was pretty normal. I blended into the background, did what I was told. I broke my heel, this girl who was marching behind me kicked me and I ended up with a stress fracture. But I didn’t get held back, I pushed myself and got through it on time. I went through A school which is where I learned my job for the navy and then was stationed in Japan on the George Washington. I went on three deployments then went to C school where I got another qualification to move up in my job. I then picked orders for California. So that’s where I am right now. A little over a year left on my contract and hell bent on searching for some kind of meaning.

I’ve always been pretty passionate about my art and writing. I’ve had a knack for both and before I joined I was a tattoo artist for 2 years. The funny part about tattoos is that it’s a business based on the economy’s disposable income. No matter what anyone tells you, tattoos are not a need, they’re a luxury. So obviously I was losing money instead of making money on that ‘job’ because I was a new artist with zero established clientele.

So that’s all the basics, I’ll start with the stories about my different experiences soon. There’s good and bad about any job and for the last 6-7 years I’ve been struggling to come to terms with who I am. What I want out of life, how to get past my depression and figure out how to function in a world I don’t fit into. I’m weird, I watch all the conspiracy videos on youtube and listen to coast to coast am (I don’t believe everything I hear but it’s fun to fantasize about bigfoot and aliens) I love ancient egyptian archaeology. I’m an introvert, a scatter brain and an emotional mess. I care about the few people I let into my life and I’m a fair leader. I try to be brutally honest with myself, sometimes a little too honest but that’s the down side of depression.

So I go through life, trying to understand my past and working towards a better future.


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One thought on “This isn’t me…Right?

  1. I too am trying to figure out who I am; funny thing is, I created an ‘alter-ego’ (or pseudonym?) Because I was stalling with every attempt at writing a book, so I figure screw this, just create a author who writes dark stuff about death and hopelessness and in a victorian voice, etc.
    From that process of making a one dimensional character who produced one type of content; the type of pictures I collected (to make book covers), the articles I read for research (decay, cremation, etc),
    I learned about identity; and that helped me take a step towards figuring myself out.
    In a weird way, not “being myself”, helped me understand what being a “self” can be.
    (Sorry for the long post. Caffeine and your post really got me going!)

    Liked by 1 person

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