This is a poignant statement. I have an ex-husband. We were married when we were 20 and immediately he was shipped off to Iraq. I was an army wife, going to college and I had a job at a call center. Fast forward a three years, he had been medically discharged from the Army and I couldn’t deal with him. I divorced him and joined the Navy.
Another six years go by. He is diagnosed with cancer, has a horrible surgery and is a complete shell to the person I once knew. We got married again. We did it right this time. Instead of just wandering over to the courthouse and smoozing the judge to marry us off of 10 buck, I planned it out.
We got married on a SoCal beach. It was a beautiful day and I had made a hand-fasting rope. I was happy. Probably the happiest I have ever been with my ex-husband.
After a year I realized that he had monopolized my life. He wouldn’t let me see my friends, go anywhere or really do anything unless it was with him. He didn’t want to get a job so he sat at home and drained all my energy when I got off an already exhausting job. The breaking point was when we drove back home. He wouldn’t let me see my parents. I got to see my dad for half an hour during his lunch break and only 20 minutes visiting my mom while she worked at a local thrift store.
It was humiliating to be around his family. He had always been the black sheep of the family and since his surgery he couldn’t eat meat. His sister-in-law asked innocently what he could eat so she could cook something that would include him into the family meal. He immediately berated her and made her feel bad for even asking the question.
Needless to say, soon after this I gave him back the ring. I told him that he made me miserable and he packed up his cat and stuff then left. We’re still technically married on paper. I send him money every once in a while and he’s been experimenting with the local gay community.
It makes him happy. It makes me happy to see that he has found something that keeps him going. Lately he’s run into some trouble. I know he’s smarter than that but sometimes drugs and bad influences get in the way of that intelligence I so admire in him. It’s hard because I’m on the other side of the world where I can’t protect him. I don’t particularly have a romantic love for him anymore but he is my family. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him but I’m left helpless.
So I want to say to you, ex-husband o’ mine, “Please remember that you can stand on your two feet. You can love yourself. And there is a tomorrow.”