I’ve been trying for a little while now to figure out how to continue my 30 day blog challenge effectively and holistically. The next on the list is 5 Guys I’m Attracted To. Which I have to admit is a very fluffy subject that will gain me plenty of readers and allow me to express my own girlish inner workings. I do have a lot of actors and musicians that I crush hard on.
I think I’ve been putting off this next post because I realize that my blog isn’t just about gaining readers or really about anyone else. It’s about my own self wanting a little corner to just let everything hang out. All the negative and positive emotions and aspects of my psyche. Sure there are days where I’m happy about life and want to share that with anybody that’ll listen. I want to connect to others and get the satisfaction that I can reach out into the darkness and my hand doesn’t just wave around in the dark nothingness. That there’s actually something there.
I’ve been trying to rise above the negativity in my life right now, it’s no use giving in to the jealousy, the anxiety and the anger that assaults me every time I’m at work. I have some very toxic co-workers and unfortunately I’m no better than they are. I’m a firm believer that we put our selves in a situation to learn from it. I manifested this reality and now I have to struggle through it in order to move on.
This is where I have to confess that I’m human. Humans are a mess of tangled emotions that cloud reality. I see can barely see past the exhaustive fog of my own lens and when I do try, I don’t see anything that I actually want in my life. I took this position in order to set myself up for better things down the road. You don’t get where you need to be unless you sacrifice something. I’m just coming to another cross road in my life and yeah, it scares the hell out of me but I refuse to be as blind and helpless as I was 8 years ago when my last cross roads happened.