I’m pretty focused on Inktober right now, maybe it’s because I’m doing this challenge with my significant other. It’s satisfying to share something with him and be able to connect with him. My darker side is rearing it’s ugly head deep down as I even think about those words. I want to be alone. I want to explore the depths of my pain and depression and self loathing. Sharing that with someone so intimately makes me feel like I’m betraying myself.
That I’m exposing myself.
I wake up out of a dead sleep sometimes wondering what the hell I’m doing with my life. Why am I here? What does it mean to be this way? I don’t want to continue like this because I know it’s just a dark hole to crawl into and I’ll never get out. Finally I’ve been doing generally okay but lately I feel like my introspection is lacking. That I’m not paying enough attention to myself. That makes me scared because that means I’m subconsciously letting the devil play because I’m not paying attention to it.
So my latest inktober illustration is pretty fitting. Here’s the previous one…
I love Priss off of Bubblegum Crisis when I was younger. I’m dropping into a theme, old anime. I think I’ll stick with it for a little while. It’s nice to draw easy stuff. I’ve been so focused on drawing the comic book style, learning anatomy and drawing realistic stuff that anime is like an old friend.