I forgot that this blog was about my expression. I could have absolutely zero limitations on what I put on this thing. I could plummet the depths of my depression, explore my violent side. Destroy my inner monologue and generally just let it all hang out. I’ve been whoring myself out to the internet recently. The last couple of posts, you might have noticed have been more focused on the the projects I’ve been working on than on my own internal strife.
I don’t like it.
This is me, in the raw. Completely uncensored, or as uncensored as a more or less anonymous blog that I keep secret from all the people I know can be yet is still easily be linked back to me in one way or another. Or something.
Yeah, that’s me. I’m really nothing special, I have delusions that I’m the center of the universe because I look out of these eyes of mine. I have a perspective that is centered on myself, I can’t just suddenly look through another person’s eyes. So yeah, that makes me special to me, not to anyone else though.
But I’m getting off topic. Recently my dad has become kind of political on Facebook after the whole Las Vegas Tragedy. Now, mind you, I took the red pill a very long time ago and am fully aware that everything in this fucked up world is orchestrated by chaos. Pure and simple chaos. Anger, pain and rage are emotions that can drive anyone to the brink of madness and we make an assembly line style factory out of creating these types of people then wonder why the fuck this world is getting worse.
Anyways, yeah, it’s hard because I can’t just sit my dad down and explain to him that getting angry and upset about gun violence just feeds back into the system and all your doing is just alienating the people around you. Especially me. His daughter. But he doesn’t give a fuck about me anymore. He wants to belong with his ‘real’ family again so fuck it. Let him, yeah it hurts me but it’s understandable. He’s miserable. Let him go crawl back under the backwards farm rock he managed to crawl out of and I can just mourn the fact that I only really just had a ‘father figure’. That’s all he really was, we tried to make a family work but it was always shoved into both our faces that he wasn’t my ‘real’ dad.
So that’s my family. I have a mom who really isn’t my mom and a dad that loves me but really isn’t my dad and now he’s leaving me. At least I’m grown up enough not the develop daddy issues right? Meh, if I give myself enough time, I can heal from this as well. That’s the miracle of humanity, we are adaptable people, the most adaptable animal on the planet. We can go through the worst horrors of the holocaust and fifty years later, suddenly there’s people that just deny that it ever happened as a coping mechanism. It’s fucked up but the human mind is not a fragile thing. It’s a devious trickster thing that can tell you the world is okay even though it’s really not.
So I’m done. This is my rant. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have more pretty pictures but today…I needed to get this crap out of my head for a while.
Thanks for you know…making it to the end or something. I would give you a cookie but you guessed it, I don’t have one. Here’s an imaginary cookie?